Wake Me Up When September Ends...

Please.

So one thing about me is that I hate change, it makes me nervous.

September is a month full of changes for me, a new supervisor, going back to school, and of course not too new but working on my weight loss.

One of my supervisors at work got promoted, congrats to her... but ehhhh now they are looking for someone to replace her position. I worry, what if they don't like me? what if I don't like them? what if they are a hard ass and won't give me time off? ahhhhh so many different things...

School. Well I took a year and a half off of school, and now I'm going back. I kept changing my major and what I want to do, its a huge decision to make you know? Paying so much for an education so I can get a job that I'll have for the rest of my life. Scary. I've decided on Library Science, yes, I want to be a librarian. Unfortunately my GPA at the local community college is really in shambles from when I wasn't taking school seriously. As a result I can't get financial aid and I have to pay for my own classes which is really taking a toll on my finances, lame! Luckily I only have to make up 3 classes to bolster my GPA, this first semester I'm tackling my arch Nemesis... MATH.

Math and I have a love hate relationship... sisth grade was my best year for math. I had an amazing teacher that made math so clear to me. It made sense and I excelled, I even tutored other kids! After that I was put in accelerated classes, and that's where it fell apart. Classes went too fast, I couldn't keep up and I fell behind. It's been that way ever since.

So now with this class I'm worried. What if I fall behind? what if I just don't get it? What if I fail miserably a can't get up my GPA to get financial aid and progress toward a degree and my future career? What if this stupid class is my down fall???? I'm so far behind as it is, so many of my friends are already graduating, it's frustrating.

Lastly my weight. I'm eating the best I can, I've lost a total of 15.8lbs as of last Wednesday. I know slow and sure is the best way to lose weight... channel the turtle, CHANNEL THE TURTLE!!!!!!!!!! even though I have lost a good amount of weight, I'm nowhere near my goal and sometimes I just get discouraged about how its taking so long. My pants still fit the same, I haven't really noticed any change in my body. I don't know if it's just because I'm me and I can't tell... but HONESTLY, how long does it take to lose a pant size?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? shouldn't I notice something by now? Also I have this fear that when I finally do lose the weight I'll end up having gross redundant skin left over, that would seriously be awful! The more I buckle down, the more I notice some people seem to be less supportive. Maybe its in my head but I've heard murmuring about how I won't eat certain foods that people may have made. It's annoying.

Basically I can't wait until the end of September, by then I'll adjusted to all of these new things, and see how far I will have come weight, work, and school wise.

Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge...

Is revenge really a good motive for losing weight? Probably not if that is the sole reason, and maybe not at all. I want to lose weight to feel confidant about myself, I want to feel sexy, I want to be healthy... But something that is always in the back of my mind.. "I want to prove her wrong." I can't help thinking about something this girl said about why she stole some of my clothes... "why shouldn't I have them, she's to fat to fit in them anyway."

"why shouldn't I have them, she's TOO FAT to fit in them anyway"

Honestly that sentence has haunted me for the past seven months, when I start feeling lazy those words slowly drift from the back of my mind and assault me with a feeling of all encompassing anger, resentment, rage... and that fuels my desire to push myself farther. I fantasize about attaining my goals and giving her back my shirt she hid from me for so long and saying, "Here I'm too thin to fit in them, but they might fit you." Maybe I should thank her for this big push... or not.

Product Placement.

Venus Embrace.

Those two not so little words are what is keeping me up waaaay past my bed time to blog to you the sheer heavenly bliss that I felt in the shower not ten minutes ago. No, not that.... Venus Embrace is a razor that I bought today, it has FIVE blades and honestly I have not felt such smooth legs after shaving in my life. This razor is why I have legs. Running this razor across my legs felt like little ribbons of joy lightly tickling my attention starved legs. The handle comes in three different colors choices pink, blue/purple, or blue/green, I have the later. The rubber on the handle really alows me to "get a grip" while I am shaving and I find myself lacking any of the accidental slippage problems that previous razors have plauged me with, leaving my skin unmarred. Tonight I will fall asleep slipping my legs beneath the covers enjoying the luxurious feeling of a close shave.

Good Night and always remember, love is a good razor blade.

Its ok, I'm wearing really big knickers!

You know that feeling when you come home, prop your feet up and just relax after a phenomenally awful day? Ahhhhh wonderful. It is wonderful right? Except you know that you will just have to go through the same thing that you did today, tomorrow, and the next day and the day after that, that my friend is EXHAUSTING!

"I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies."

Soooooooo....I just remembered I had a blog that I meant to keep up on, my list of 2010 is still a work in progress but here is the list AND an update.


1.Get a job, preferably full time.

Okay, so while I didn't get a new job, and I still work at the BIG BLUE BOX I recently gained a "full time" (20-32hrs/week) position there. It's not what I expected to be honest with you.

Pros are I get more hours therefore making more money... OH! and now I have insurance. Cons pretty much everything else. I enjoy my co-workers just not the obnoxious people I deal with.

2.Get an apartment

3.find a Judo dojo

4.lose weight

Still a work in progress, however as of today I have lost 12.8lbs this past month I'm very proud of my little accomplishment and I am now very motivated to keep at it and keep pushing myself.

5.be more zen


6.MOVE OUT.

I moved out. well sort of, my grandpa had a stroke (he's doing fine, thanks for asking) but I moved in with him temporarily(?) to help him out and just hang out. I'm really enjoying having my own room and bathroom, but mostly? I really enjoy getting to know and have quality time with my grandpa.

7.also maybe write the great american novel.



Everything is still a work in progress but I'm working at it the best I can.

To begin with, everything...

I took a year off of school to discover myself, but instead of going abroad or living off the land I moved back home with my parents, got a corporate minimum wage job the only thing I discovered was that I really hate retail, and living with my parents at the age of 23, on the cusp of 24. Wow. 24... Twenty Four... TWENTY FOUR YEARS OLD.

Writing that just makes things so... real.

Its time to get out, and I am going to Blog my way through this... maybe seeing everything typed out will help me focus, remind me what I'm doing, help me remember..."oh yeah. I'm not 19 anymore."

So on the list of things to do in 2010

1.Get a job, preferably full time.

2.Get an apartment

3.find a Judo dojo

4.lose weight

5.be more zen

6.MOVE OUT.

7.also maybe write the great american novel.

So with these put down pixels to page I'm beginning.

wish me luck